Midlife Memoirs: Why more people are opting to get reflective sooner
I make Life Stories for a living, so at least once a week experience that gut-stabbing pain when I hear “Oh, I wish I had known you sooner!” I then must endure painful accounts of special family members who have departed this world and taken a treasure trove of stories away with them. These stories tend to fade from collective consciousness or get retold with diminishing detail as time goes on.
And to a storyteller, this is akin to an artist watching the Louvre burn.
The voice matters.
Deborah opted to conclude her Life Story (for now!) with a conversation about a few important family heirlooms. (scene from: Deborah: A Life of Design)
Our digital age has ensured that nearly all of us has the capacity to record sound and video within seconds. Yet, people still lament the loss of family stories as people pass.
Chief among the reasons for failing to record family stories seems to be the fallacy that “there is lots of time.” I hear that one a lot.
As well, the awkwardness of initiating a spontaneous recording session is just too much for both the recorder and the recorded.
A third failing is often related to poor recording environment. I’ve seen well-meaning interviews foiled because of noisy environmental influences such as nearby conversations or rumbling air conditioners.
The advent of modern social media platforms such as Facebook and Instagram suggest to us that we have something to say that might be interesting. What once happened around the crackling fire is now shared remotely from a park bench or our seat at the café. This storytelling culture, however trite it may seem, reminds us that the true understanding of someone else may lie in the details rather than the overall major events.
It begins here. Samuel finds the place of his birth on a map of India to begin his Life Story.
Readers of Through Lavender Lenses may recall the story of Samuel who left home in rural India with 10 rupees in his pocket, or of Deborah who balanced life as a single mom and event designer. Even Holly’s story as a globetrotting teacher and erstwhile cheerleader is memorable as much for its details as its overall arc.
The idea of waiting to tell our life story is tempting as, I think, folks generally think that it needs to be as complete as possible. This logic is, of course, flawed because hiring a videographer or biographer in one’s most “golden” of years sometimes isn’t feasible nor desirable.
Deborah, in her early/mid 50s, opted to tell hers at the peak of her career and with a youthful glow that she wants her grandchildren to remember. Holly was a vibrant 60-something when her story was captured. Holly’s family finds the result much more fulfilling as it includes scenes of Holly teaching students in the classroom and shots of her daily gym workout. These types of authentic illustrative opportunities aren’t so available when life stories are deferred.
The key to first-hand memoir writing is to start earlier. One can always append through short vignettes or additional notes. Whether it’s a DIY journal or a full-on Life Story film, it’s best to make a start when the idea hits.
In case you missed this client-approved sample in a previous edition of Through Lavender Lenses:
